I got bored a few nights ago. Very bored.
I was staring at my wallet, and looking at my Nectar card. (For those not reading this from the UK, a Nectar card is a loyalty card you can use at multiple shops to get points to buy rewards with).
I wondered… what about all the people in the world with silly names?
So I decided to see what would happen if, well, you can guess.
First of all, I needed a spokesperson, so to speak. I wasn’t going to do this on my own Nectar card incase it all got nasty. I knew the perfect man. George Adgdgdwngo.
Well, you might recognise him as this guy:
Know him now? Good. He’s the master of scamming, so he’s the natural man for the project.
I thought I’d start tame, and order a card for George. It never turned up. However, there’s an option on nectar.com to order additional cards for friends and family. Now, George has a lot of friends – so he’ll need a lot of cards.
I decided to go for one to start with that wasn’t obviously stupid unless you read it twice, just incase there was a human at the other end, checking the names manually.
Could it be that George’s card had finally turned up, and the post was just running late?
Alas not. Instead, this was inside:
Hurrah! Miss Sek C Bodey can now show off her, ahem, Sexy Body (get it?) with her new Nectar card.
The game was set. Time to order some more cards.
One of Nectar’s partner companies is Debenhams – one of the biggest department stores in the country. One of their rivals is called House Of Fraser. So…
Again, made and delivered with no problem. It was obvious at this point that nobody is checking the cards at the other end. Maybe there’s some “banned word” list that automatically filters out naughty words. Time to test that.
Nectar is part-owned by Sainsbury’s, who are second to Tesco in size. Tesco has their own loyalty card, called Clubcard. Surely, if theres a “banned word” list, then “Clubcard” would be on it, right?
Doesn’t look like it!
Finally, it’s time for some plain rudeness. Let’s see if the unfortunately named Mr R Skisser can have a card.
What a surprise. Yes he can.
What else can I say? Nectar card – FAIL.